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A few months ago she started having what I thought were accidents in her room. I did not make a big deal about it, explained very simply how this leads to germs and is not safe, and we went about our day. Then I caught her a few times right after she had done it and she said she just wanted to pee on the floor. I gave her a time out and we cleaned it up. Then I noticed her room smelling more like pee, and then one day she covered up the spot with a stuffed animal. Now I check her room thoroughly after every nap/playtime. She keeps telling me she just didn’t want to go to the potty when she does this. She has never done this in front of me, and she has done this a handful of times. We will go weeks without incident and then out of nowhere she will do it again. It never happens when she is at someone’s home, with her dad, or out and about. She otherwise has no accidents.
She gets a ton of attention, positive reinforcement, and fun activities and there is no stress, immediate big changes, or turmoil in the home. I am 6 months pregnant and she is very excited to be a big sister. We offer lots of exciting info about how much fun it will be to be a helper but also emphasize things she will get to do by herself with mommy and daddy being the big girl.
I am a mental health professional, trained in behavior modification, and I am at a total loss as to why she is doing this and what to do about it. It seems to only be happening with me, around the beginning of nap time, and right after she has gone to the potty.
She has been tending to act out behaviorally whenever the activity at the moment does not revolve souly around her. Even if we just finished doing something fun for her. I feel like if this is for attention, I am being held hostage, because she gets so much 1:1 attention. I stay home with her during the day but work in the evenings, and need to be able to prepare for work and do chores around the house. I can not possibly incorporate more positive reinforcement and attention into her day and be a functioning adult. Plus, if I add more to her day she would be overindulged and have no balance. I am very concerned about this becoming a regular habit as it seems to be increasing in frequency. Any ideas or solutions would be welcomed!
Best answer:
Answer by LGM
Sometimes children’s brains work a bit differently than ours. For one thing, they have hardly any concept of time. They have a hard time to understand that cleaning up her room would rob you the time to do other things. They also don’t consider their excrement quite as yucky as we do. I still can remember that as a early elementary school child, I believed that peeing in a certain pant I owned was okay, while I would never have peed in any other clothing. It basically took until I grew out of these pants that i stopped peeing into them. My mom was pretty angry at me, but it didn’t really help.
I think, you are doing the right thing. Letting her clean up the mess sounds like the way to go. You can try teaching her the time aspect by setting a clock for an activity she usually gets and likes, but taking the time required for pee-cleaning off that activity.
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Question by FaZizzle: Potty training a stubborn 3 year old?
Here’s my situation: my son is now 3 and a half and hates the bathroom. He loves the toilet and doesn’t mind using the toilet (he’s recently taken to standing while peeing – whatever works!), but getting him there is an issue.
He just wants to play with his toys. No matter how much we coax him, each time is a battle.
We’ve tried taking toys into the bathroom with him – that failed because he just wanted to play with him instead of do his business.
We’ve tried books. We’ve tried nearly everything.
I am at my wit’s end now. Both my husband and I work opposite shifts, leaving our son in daycare for 3 hours a day. By the time I get everyone home, I still need to start dinner, get everyone fed and try to enjoy the evening. It’s getting to be such a challenge to get my son to go to the bathroom a few times before bed, even though I know his urination schedule. By the end of the day, we both are so frustrated with each other – I took him away from playing, and I had to pull a screaming toddler into the bathroom.
Right now we’re using Pampers Pull-ups and he knows after he goes to the bathroom. I’ve tried putting him in the bathroom and flushing the toilet with him as we change the Pull-ups. He’s not scared of the bathroom – he just doesn’t want to take the time to go in there.
We don’t have the money to buy cloth training pants, and the Gerber plastic ones have failed us many times over. Because of our work schedules, my husband and I can’t just take a week to work with him.
I know that we waited too long while we “waited” for our son to hit all of the signs that he was ready, and we’re still needing to work on changing OUR definition of ready. However, I don’t know where to go from here. Bribes aren’t working, and I don’t know how much longer I can spend my evenings trying to drag a tantrummy toddler into the bathroom.
We’re focusing on #1 right now – we’ve tried #2, but it’s just not going anywhere fast. The more he sits, the more frustrated we get. In the end, he unfortunately keeps doing #2 after I put him to bed, despite having sat with him for 5-10 minutes after bath time. His diet is VERY fiberous, but the kid just isn’t wanting to do it.
Help?
Best answer:
Answer by Been There Done That
Mess and consequence and reward work best. When he makes the mess supervise him cleaning it up. When he goes without too much problem reward him with something he loves to do.
We used 6 or 7 M&M’s for pooping in the potty.
Our 3 year old loves to bungee jump at the mall. We told her if you keep your panties dry all week we will go bungee bounce. So far it has worked for the most part.
What do you think? Answer below!
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